When I look back at how far God's brought me, and who I was not only even a year and half ago, thankfulness begins to well up inside of me. I am a living testimony. My life used to never be anything, it was without purpose, without life, and love. To see how far God has brought me today is just so unfathomable.
These past few months, I can honestly say I feel completely blind. Blind to those around me, blind to my future, blind to what happens even with in the next few moments. Everything is dark around me and the only thing I can count on is the hand of my Jesus guiding me through. Having faith that He'll guide me in the right direction and I won't stub my toe along the way, or He won't lead me down the wrong path. I'm learning everyday. Learning to follow, to listen, to be obedient, to love, to be thankful, patient, and just to have faith.
I'm being stripped of everything I've held dear, that I've put my faith in. My hands are bare with nothing to hold that's of value. I've been stripped of my title of who I thought I was. Someone I was never meant to be. In the process I've been shown who I really am. Someone that is really loved, wanted, and adored. I'm finding a God in a deeper aspect than I have ever known before. Some days are harder then the next, some days I just want to go back to what I know is comfortable. To go back to a chair where my mark has been permanently etched from years of staying in the same place. But I can't. I don't want it anymore. The amazing adrenaline of walking into the unknown is such a mysterious adventure. Being lead through the dark by Jesus brings me more curiosity that makes my comfortable past seem like a gray canvas compared to the bright and colorful things I find now. My relationship with my Heavenly Father is so hard to put into words. I'm impressed at all that I've missed out on these past 22 years. I find I just want to be with Him. I'm beginning to trust, I'm beginning to love.
From being a depressed morbidly obese teenager who binged herself to sleep at night to becoming a woman who's experienced true freedom, a true and unconditional love. A man who comforts me when I cry, strokes the my tear-stained hair behind my ear, who laughs when I laugh, whose heart breaks when mine breaks. A man whose thoughts about me measure more than the grains of sand on the earth. A man who loves me despite my human sins and desires, who doesn't define me by my talents or faults, but as someone precious, His daughter. A daughter of The King. How can my thanks ever be enough? How can words ever express how thankful I am? How can I ever repay the kindness He bestows upon me day in and day out? But I never can and never will be able to. But He knows and that's all that matters.