Friday, April 22, 2011

Solemn Day

Today we observe the day that Jesus died.  Granted who knows if today was actually day, but the meaning is still there and worth mentioning.  Some days I just can't believe that a God of all things could possibly love me so much that he would send his one and only son to die the most torturous death in history.   You'd think that if He was to send his only son to die, He'd have a pretty noble cause.  What I think is crazy is that God said that WE are His noble cause. 

Looking back on my life, knowing how much I've sinned, how much I have hurt God, how easily I can stray and leave God standing in the dust that was kicked up by my shoes, it's hard to imagine He still loves me more than life.  His exact words are, "More than the grains of sand on the earth." I don't know about you but can you think about all the grains of sand that are on this earth? That's A LOT. 

I keep thinking about what life would be like if He hadn't come down to save us.  More than likely we'd be going through animals like candy, considering something has to be sacrificed in order wash away our sins.  But even then, I wonder if that would ever be enough.  We'd be void of the Holy Spirit considering after Jesus rose from the dead He left us with Him.  The presence of the Holy Spirit is amazing, life would be 100 times harder with out Him.  Who knows what else.  I'm just so glad God came down to save me.  I'm supposed to be on the cross, not him.  I've often wish he hadn't saved me, but I know God never doubted for a second on his decision to save us.  He has a grand and mighty plan that we will never fully grasp.  The only thing I can do now is wait and live life for God the most humanly possible way. 

One thing I need to remember, is to thank him.  Thank him as much as I can.  Everyday I have new life because He sacrificed His life for me.  What an amazing God we serve. 

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Past The Point Of No Return

The final threshold! You've got to love a little Phantom of the Opera ringing in your head.  A little side note, I think quite possibly the best music I have ever known is performed in that play. Beyond that, I do have a point!

Past the point of no return, that is where I am at right now.  I think with all the success God has given me these past 2 and a half months with my eating, breaking free from pride, joining the choir again, and ultimately drawing closer than I have ever been with God, this is definitely the point of no return.  Just these past 2 days I was a little fearful and started thinking what if I am going back to who I was? What if this is just another fluke freedom example where the walls are going to come crashing down at any moment? I started feeling guilty for eating and having those gross and unexplainable emotions overcome me after I ate, feelings of loosing control.  As I was driving to Choir I thought, "This is it! This is where I have to choose where my life is going.  I have been happier in these past 2 and a half months than I have ever been, I love God so much!  This is where I have to choose God over my wants, over my (past) loves!" 

God has severely helped me through these tremendous 2 and a half months.  It almost seemed "Easy" to make this transition into The Maker's Diet and give up all of my known and horrible food familiarities.  But God can't just run my life for me, He wants me to choose.  I chose when I started this lifestyle, and now I have to choose again to keep it.  It was here where I felt, "Kelley, do you want to stay here, be happy with Me, and continue this lifestyle? Or, do you want give it all up to go back to a life of guilt, insecurities, and be with your food that will never make you happy?" .... After hardly even any thought I said, "I WANT YOU, GOD!" 

Needless to say, after successfully talking it over with Jesus, those old feelings that once crept up on me are gone.  I am back to feeling joyful again, in a place better than anything else, walking side by side with my Jesus, ready to conquer.  I'm past the point of no return.