Monday, January 25, 2010

"Lord, I am ready!"


So this year I can feel is going to be a good year for me.  I don't think it will be easy by any means, but I really feel that my progression towards freedom and healing will be significantly dented through out the year.  I can already feel the Lord at work! He's doing some rearranging, some heavy-lifting, some major organizing inside me.  I feel like He's the clean house person and He's throwing out the old, used, worn, not needed things that just create massive clutter and provides a good home for ucky creepy things.  Like mice and spiders, cockroaches, beetles, bugs, ans... you get the point. 

How do I know? It started a few weeks ago.  I mentioned I was at a standstill in my previous blogs.  It was really hard to worship, hard to stay focused, hard to stay on the path, hard to fight off temptations. One of the Tuesdays we had a Worship Team get-together.  We basically spent the time to focus as a group what is needed to improve as leaders.  After many moments of discussion, we were presented with a challenge.  A challenge to really know God.  Not just, "Hi! What's your name?" type, but the sincere, deep down, heartfelt ernesty to really know God.  To know what He likes, what He hates, what He does during the day, how He reacts to situations, what His favorite things are, does He have a favorite color? These are all questions we would try to know if were becoming friends with someone.  Why not try to know these things about God?

This really hit home for me.  I knew it needed to be done.  I knew that I was not trying hard enough to really know God and who He is.   I was given a week to kind of dwell on that.  By the next week I had a meeting with my accountability partner (from Mercy).  We had fallen out of touch there for a few months and it had been a while.  Anyways.  She opened up a can of worms for me.  What she told me came from God.  It had to have been because I had never felt so ashamed in my life.  I couldn't look at her, I hid my face with anything I could possibly find.  It was PRIDE.  Augh! Stupid PRIDE!! Anyways even though I had known I needed to work on pride, what God said to her for me hit home again.  I started crying, and we both and an emotional time together.  She told me that she felt like a layer of my brick/cement wall fell down.  (hypothetically) And to be honest, I really felt that too.  She told me that it was like the wall was low enough that she could finally see my eyes.  After that meeting, I felt like I could actually see the world now, because that wall was low enough for my eyes to see.  It was such an amazing feeling.  So hard to explain. 

Again I was given another week to kind of dwell on all of these new revelations.  Than just yesterday, I was talking with a friend from Church, who seriously has tremendous insight. God has worked on her so much that she is able to help people out.  She basically confirmed all of my revelations again! GOD! You seriously out-do yourself! It brought tears to my eyes again.  But since I am still prideful, I hate crying in front of people so I made that stop the second my eyes got full of water.  To cry this much is seriously not common for me.  I don't cry.  Emotions? What Emotions? Oh you mean the crap I stuffed like a pillow down in my soul? I forgot about those! Wait...Was I supposed to do something with those??? 

I am eager. I am extremely eager to find out what's going to happen next.  At the same time, I am sort of fearful of what emotions may come out and the extreme vulnerability that may come across me.   I was reading my bible again last night, (that right there is a miracle!) And out of the continuation of the story of Daniel. One line stood out to me.  But that one line was all I needed...

"...and those that walk in pride, He is able to humble."
Daniel 4:37

Thursday, January 21, 2010

A Humble Daniel


God is so seriously amazing. He has become alive in me again! I love Him so much!


I don't know why but I felt the need to start this blog of by saying that. Praise God for all He has done! He deserves all the glory!

Well anyways back to what I was going to write. I was reading the bible the other night. I felt it my goal to strive to actually "Study" the bible instead of just reading it. This I admit is one of my faults. I read the bible like its a story book with no meaning. Well I earnestly tried this time to look inside the lines, what is it that God might be saying? What are some new and exciting things that I can find in a story I've heard so many times?

Well I found it intriguing to maybe read the story of Daniel. I only got through 2 chapters but, it's the thought that counts! :) I've always heard of people saying that they pray to God before they open up their bible and study. You know, a prayer that asks God to keep my mind, eyes, and heart open to whatever it is He might be teaching me. Well I decided to do that this time. After which, I started to read Daniel, Chapter 1.

"In the third year of the reign of Jehoiakim..."

It started out as normal, it felt like I was just reading, but I wanted so badly to not just read the story, so I started reading lines repeatedly. Well I was at the point in Daniel 2 where the King couldn't find anyone to interpret his alarming dream he had. He had searched but no one could answer. He eventually decided to put to death all the dream interpreters in the land because he was so mad, and impatient I might add! Anyways.. Here is Daniel, who has just been told that he will be killed along with his friends. You'll know them, it's Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego! :) Daniel prays to God to have mercy on them and God reveals the mystery to Daniel. What I find so intriguing is that Daniel didn't go to the King right away bouncing like a gleeful little boy! "I solved it! I solved it! I can interpret your dream!" He praised God right there! about 3-4 paragraphs worth! A lot of times we have been given something by God and we tend to forget to thank Him.

I continued to read. When he met with the King, The king had asked him if he could interpret his dream for him? Now this is what caught my eye the most. This is Daniel's response...

"27 Daniel replied, "No wise man, enchanter, magician or diviner can explain to the king the mystery he has asked about, 28 but there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries. He has shown King Nebuchadnezzar what will happen in days to come. Your dream and the visions that passed through your mind as you lay on your bed are these..." (Daniel 2:27-28)

And Daniel goes on to reveal the mystery of the king's dream. Again look at this, Daniel made no mention of himself, He told the king flat out, God revealed this to me, I had nothing to do with this. It is not possible for a man to interpret this dream.  Only God can.  Now I can't know for sure but if it was me, "Hey king, haha! you know that dream you've been talkin bout, yeah the one "Everyone" has been trying to figure out? Haha yeah well, I figured it out. Yup I did. So is there a reward or something? Do I get a free house or stack of gold? Anything?" Okay so I wouldn't have been that cocky but you get the point. Daniel was so humble! When he told the king his mystery, he humbled himself by giving all of the credit to God. In the end, the king knew that the God of Israel was better than all of the other gods.

Humility is such a powerful thing, yet such a hard thing to come by. When we humble ourselves, God can use us in such a mighty way. I pray God humbles me. This whole pride issue with me is a road block that must be overcome. I want to be used by God!

Trust

A friend of mine on Facebook posted this "letter" from God.  It's amazing! Please read!...

God:


I want to make your life a glorious adventure, but you must seek to know Me in greater depth and breadth instead of striving for a safe lifestyle. I know how ambivalent your heart is in all of this: you long for the adventure that a life abandoned to Me can be, and at the same time, you cling to old ways because change frightens you. Though you feel safest when your life is predictable and things seem to be under control, I want you to break free and discover the adventures I have planned for you.

The greatest adventure of all is knowing Me abundantly, discovering how wide and long and high and deep is My love for you. The power of my vast love can feel overwhelming. That is why many people choose to limit their knowledge of Me, keeping Me at a distance. How this grieves Me! People settle for mediocrity because it feels more comfortable. Meanwhile, they continue to battle fear. Only My love is strong enough to break the hold that fear has on you. A predictable lifestyle may feel safer, but it can shield you from what you need most of all – Me!

When unexpected events shake up your routines, rejoice. This is exactly what you need to wake you up and point you toward Me. Recognize that you are on the threshold of a new adventure, and that I will be with you each step of the way. As we venture out together, cling tightly to My hand. The more you abandon yourself to Me, the more exuberantly you can experience My love.


By Sarah Young

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I Want To Know You

Amidst last night's events, it was great. God told me exactly what I have needed to hear, even though I've been saying it to myself for the past few months. It seems that when you hear it from someone else, in whom you know God is backing that up, hits home a lot more then when you just say to yourself, I need to work harder at knowing God.

Knowing God. It's seems like such a general statement, but in reality it's not. It's so simple, yet amazingly complex. To know God more, would require time, talents, effort, wants, your heart, mind, and soul. It's a pretty costly thing to a human being. What I already know right now, God is amazing, all powerful, strong, BIG yet somehow just my size, all knowing, all sufficient, my Savior, my Father, my Provider, my Backbone, the ONLY One who could possible be all that I need and much much more. He is the I Am. But I have to wonder, if I know those things just because I've read about them or heard someone else proclaim them. Do I know these things on a personal level? Do I know these things based on experience? Do I know these things from actually spending time in God's presence?

God is vastly superior to anything that ever was or ever will be but yet He has humbly lowered Himself so that He can spend individual time with each and every single soul that has or ever will walk the planet, including me. I mean when you think about it....STORY TIME!!! :)

The phone rings, it's Jesus's secretary! Maybe she has good news? I've been wanting to meet Jesus so bad. I really need to talk business with Him as well. There's so much to talk about, I wonder if Jesus has time for me? YAY!! It is good news! She said Jesus has time for me! I've been given a set appointment. We are going to meet...Officially!!... at 11:00 AM in His office on Monday morning. Wow! Is she serious?? She just gave me Jesus's pager number and personal cell phone so I can contact Him at ANY time I want!! Wow this is a glorious day!! She told me that Jesus broke away the barrier between us so He has time for me all the time. SWEEEEEET!! Okay so it's Friday afternoon, I have the whole weekend. I better go fix some things around my house this weekend and get some time to relax and unwind from this past week. It's been so stressful! I feel like I am taking on everything all at once. Whoohoo! It's Monday!! Okay so I have a couple hours before I meet Jesus. Hmm what to do to kill time. I know! I'll play solitaire on my iPod before going. 1 hour passes... Hmm still have an hour yet. Maybe I'll go watch some TV. OOOH! No Way! I love this show!! I hardly ever get to see this show!! Aww crapanoley! It's a two hour special! I can't watch the full show. But... I really want to watch this show. I have to know if Dr. Draven is going to be able to save Mrs. Pickem! I'm sure Jesus will understand if I reschedule. He did say He's available at any time. I'll text His cell phone and tell him. That way I don't have to hear the disappointment in His voice when I inform Him. Okay done. Woofta. Wow... I kind of feel a ping of guilt. Ha!! No way! I can't believe Dr. Draven fell in love with Sheila! Dude! This show is awesome! Oh No, Jesus is calling me. He's probably going to yell at me. I know! I won't answer the phone so that He'll think I don't have the phone on me. He can leave me a message. Yeah, that's it! Yup, He left a message. I better listen to it. Wow! He's set up another appointment! Oh no! I have a shopping trip with my mother planned that day! He'll have to adjust His schedule more to fit my needs.

It sounds silly doesn't it? "He'll have to adjust His schedule more to fit my needs." But in reality it's so true. I am guilty of that! We all are guilty of that at some point in our lives. I am making it a goal now. I am tired of pushing Jesus to the side after all He has done for me.

"God, I WILL make time for you!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Judgement

Stating the obvious, loving someone regardless of what the person does is a continuous hard thing to do. I find my self in the predicament where someone just does something that is wrong. We have friends, family, co-workers, and acquaintances everywhere that are hurting and finding someway to vent out their frustrations. From being on a view from the outside, we can often times view these situations differently. It's so easy to say, "Do what's right!" to the person next to you but it's a whole different story in trying to apply those same three words in our own lives. What makes things so difficult is we often times try to ignore our own lives and push aside in denial those things that we are doing that are not good for us. How is that when we see someone smoking a cigarette (this is just an example) that we can think to ourselves, "Just stop smoking! You're killing yourself. Why are they doing that to themselves?" Yet, what's going on in our own lives is the very same situation but with different objects of use. Take for instance, in my life, I have the struggle to overeat. I should be saying to myself, "Just stop eating! You're killing yourself!"


I've had the few instances where sometimes God just replaces my eyes with His eyes for a just a brief moment. Obviously not literally! But He fills me up with extreme emotion for the hurt that everyone is feeling inside and dealing with. I'm not saying I see everyone's problems or anything. I am just saying that I feel compassion for them for whatever it is that they are going through or have gone through. When you look around at every single person that walks past you, odds are they have been hurt by something or are currently being hurt by someone/something. It helps to keep me in a reality check. Especially considering the person who I was before Mercy Ministries was an extremely judgmental person.

Well who knows what that person who is smoking, drinking, doing drugs or stealing, etc.. is dealing with. Maybe they can't stop just like I couldn't stop overeating. I remember those days vividly. I remember how I felt while binging, I remember the extreme guilt that washed over me, I remember wanting nothing else in the world at that moment, all I only wanted was junk food. I wanted something to put inside my mouth, something to chew, something to savor, something to make my taste buds go wild, something to put my mind at ease. Something to make my body/flesh just shut-up and leave me alone. It's overpowering. At that moment, you are not yourself, you've been completely taken over. It's not easy to stand up to that! It's (forgive my speech) Hell! If I can just realize how hard it was for me to overcome my addictions and replace that with how it is for them to probably overcome their addictions, I can see them in a different light. Maybe I'll have compassion on them instead of judgment. One just never knows the endless amount of possibilities that simple trick could create. Maybe just maybe, instead of judging them, we can ... help them?