Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Santa Claus is Coming to Town?

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
He's making a list,
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice.
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

O! You better watch out!
You better not cry.
Better not pout, I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
Is it just me or does Santa sound a little creepy and threatening? If you're good you get presents, if you're bad you get coal.  Thank goodness I am getting UNconditional love for Christmas by Jesus! :) In reality, we are all bad so we should all be getting coal according to Santa.  Just sayin...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Child Trafficking

A lot of talk has been swirling around regarding Child Trafficking.  It's seems to be on my mind lately.  I have one friend who has a great heart for those who are involved in exotic dancing, I have another who's freeing child slaves in Ghana, and I graduated from Mercy Ministries and continuously read Nancy's (the founder and president) blog that is filled with Child Trafficking topics. 

I don't think we really can wrap our little fingers around the idea that there are millions of children out there who are slaves.  Children who have been either been sold, conned, or kidnapped into a horrendous life of bondage that no child should ever have to witness, let alone live.  A couple of weeks ago I was watching America's Most Wanted and they did a whole 60 minute episode on Sex Trafficking.  One of the stories was about this girl in high school.  She was shopping at any regular store with regular people, when a woman approached her and said she had amazing talent for makeup.  She continuously complimented her and gave her a business card.  The girl thought she ran into this perfect opportunity to be a makeup artist.  She ran home to tell her parents, and even had a professional interview, and was tested by putting make up on another young woman.  She said yes to the job and the day she was supposedly to start her first day on the "job"  A man grabbed her and brought her to a brothel.  She was raped continuously and was forced to have sex with people daily.  No make up involved except the make up she had to put on herself to look beautiful for her customers.  She never got to keep any of the money she made.  Eventually, years later, her and a friend she had made there escaped.  Now she is telling her story all over America to help others who may be in the same situation or have other woman made aware so they don't get tricked like she did.  She was just a typical high school little girl, who had no worry in life but to go to school, hang with her friends and clean her room.  Now, a young adult who has seen things no person should ever have to see, emotionally damaged from years of abuse. 

My friend in Ghana tells me stories of these young Ghanaians who were sold by their parents into slavery.  Their parents are so poor and are usually in desperate need for money so they sell their children.  These children are worked to the bone, physically abused daily.  If you even just slightly extend a hand to them, they cringe and cover themselves up for fear that you'll beat them.  They are so skinny but yet built from all the hard physical labor they are put through.  It just breaks my heart.  Once these children are rescued it's hard because where do you put them? They can't go back to their parents because they'll just get sold again. 

Little do we know that child trafficking is happening right in our backyard! From statistics that IJM (International Justice Mission) provided during a presentation one day, the Mall of America right here in Bloomington Minnesota is one of the bigger hot spots for Child Trafficking.  I went to high school in Harrisburg, SD.  I picked up a newspaper one day and read the headlines that Tea, SD which was 10 miles away from me, just had a major Sex Trafficking operation busted! It's crazy to think that there are people all around us who are in such torture.     

What can we do? The only thing I can thing of is... Pray. Pray about what you can do.  Give. Give money to organizations and missionaries who are fighting and rescuing children.

Friday, December 10, 2010

I'll Be Home For Christmas

With only 15 days to go before the much anticipated holiday, Christmas, arrives... I am uber excited.  Why you might ask? It's simple.  My family will be home and all together for the first time since my sister, Melissa, got married in 2006.  4 years.  I love my family and I love it even more when we are able to be all together.  My family has an amazing sense of humor.  When we all get together, it is beyond hysterical.  We feed off each other.  Why wouldn't we? We grew up together. 

I have 3 other siblings whom are all married and most of them have kids.  Every single one of them will be home for Christmas.  My older brother Ryan is actually already home.  Although I haven't been able to see him since he is staying at Mom and Dad's home in Sioux Falls.  He, his wife, and his two daughters (One in whom I have never met) are driving up today actually to the Twin Cities.   It's going to be great to see them again and also meet my niece for the first time. 

My other older brother Nate won't be home yet for another week and 1/2.   He will be bring with him his wife Vanessa in whom as actually never met our brother Ryan and his wife.  Let alone their two kids. 

Needless to say.  I hope the 15 days go fast, but once those 15 days get here. I pray it goes slow so I can relish in our much needed family time.  Maybe we'll even bring out our old traditional game we used to play when we were kids, The Farming Game.  Can you sense I am excited????

I know Christmas may not be the best time of year for some of my friends due to past experiences and family drama.  I sincerely pray this one will be a good holiday for you.  Just remember the reason for the season... Christ the Lord is born.  Our Savior, Our King, Our One and Only True Love.  Happy Birthday Jesus!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Single Bliss

I admit, I've never dated a guy in my entire life.  Never been kissed, held hands with or any of that other mushy romantic stuff.  It's not always been the easiest thing in my life to deal with.  My only one true dream since before I can remember was to be a mother/wife.  It's my one desire in life.  When I was little I would often pray to God to hold off on the Rapture till I got married and had at least 1 kid.  Funny I know!  One day in class, the teacher asked us all what we wanted to be when we grew up.  The other kids had great goals and aspirations of being a doctor, fireman, policeman, nurse, and all that.  When it came my turn I without hesitation said, "I want to be a mother".  Here I am 23 years old with no marriage in site.  Some days it's been hard, some days I don't think about it, but then there are those days when God seems to just comfort me in those deep distressing moments of realization.  I think he feels my pain.  This past weekend was one of those moments.  It was kind of funny actually. During that moment lying in my bed and seeing my usual pillow laying beside me and not my husband, whomever he is, I was reminded of a song.  I think technically this song was meant for something else entirely but it totally fit in with what I was feeling. 

"I will wait for the Lord my God, I will wait for the one whose worthy" 
It's amazing isn't it? I will be patient with God, I believe He has someone out there for me.  I believe He has not only someone out there for me but someone who is worthy of me."  Two defining moments also came with this song throughout the weekend. 

Saturday night I had movie night with some of the ladies.  We watched Pride and Prejudice.  It was at the moment when the main character Elizabeth Bennet was trying to make her father see that she actually loved Mr. Darcy and wanted to marry him, even though she had disdain for Mr. Darcy through the majority of the movie.  Her father quickly noticed just how much she did love him and said, "I could not have parted with you, my Lizzie, to anyone less worthy." That just hit me.  Towards the beginning of the movie, Elizabeth was proposed to by a suitor that would have made her unhappy.  The fact that she waited, and refused to settle with anyone she didn't love.  Back in that time it was highly unusual to wait for love.  People married for money so their families could be supported.  It just amazes me. 

Sunday night we had a bachelorette party for my dear friend Cori whose getting married in 12 days.  She is one of the sweetest girl I have ever met.  She has been such an inspiration to me in so many ways since beginning to know her only a short 2 years ago.  Her relationship with her fiancee is non other than God ordained.  Her story compels me.  I don't know that I have the right to tell it, but I will tell you this. It is an AMAZING story.  God was with their relationship from the start,  It was tested, it was tried.  They passed with flying colors.  At the end it proved.  She was worth fighting for.  He was worthy to marry her.  This man never gave up.  He truly loves her and she truly loves him back.  I can tell you based on this relationship. True Love does exist.  Watching how happy she was and how she has even changed qualities of herself so that she could respect him more and love him more and show that too him.  It's just amazing.  Looking back at her story, it makes me think.  If God is capable of giving that type of relationship to Cori and Shaun, He is certainly capable of doing that for me.  And personally, I think He WANTS to... but the timing is just not right.  I'm not ready and frankly, maybe my future husband is not ready for me?  I'm a lot of work! :) 

Upon realization of all this.  I felt extremely at peace last night, even when looking at my lonely pillow laying beside me, more peace being alone then I have in a long time.  I just hope these feelings become permanent till that day comes when my daddy, both my human daddy and my Godly Daddy can walk me down that isle to give me away to a man who is worthy of me.  One who will fight for me, love me, respect me, and honor me.  I will never settle for anything less. 

Thank you my Jesus for being everything I need and more. 

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Does She Know?

My heart is hurting for all those girls out there who don't know, who don't know they are loved and valueable.  I look at some and I can just see the pain in their eyes.  God gave me this song when I was struggling with the same thing myself.  I would love for you to hear the lyrics. 

Does She Know
By: Kelley Welu

~Verse 1~
She‘s standing there, all alone
The pain in her eyes, a story untold
Deep inside, she is breaking
Deep inside, she’s crying out
For someone, anyone

~Chorus~
Does she know how much she is loved
Does she see her worth?
Does she realize, Oh I wish she would see
She is treasured by the King
Does she know? She is loved.

~Verse 2~
She tries so very hard
But she’s tired of this fa├žade
She wants to be happy
She wants to be somebody else
But she can’t, she just can’t

~Chorus~

~Bridge~
She wants to, she wants to be free
Oh! She wants to, she wants to be free!
(Repeat 1x)

~Chorus~
Does she know how much she is loved
Does she see her worth?
Does she realize, Oh I wish she would see
She is treasured by the King
The King of Kings, Does she know? She is loved.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Relentless Faith

I've been hearing a lot about faith recently and I am finding that it is not a coincidence.  It all started a couple weeks ago when Pastor Andrew preached on Sunday.  I'm not sure I remember all that he preached, but one thing I still have not gotten over was when he said, "I don't believe God answers prayers, I really don't.  I believe God answers FAITH." I have not been able to forget that for some reason.  It wasn't until later that I figured out why.  Faith has also made it's way upon countless conversations as well, leaving me no choice not to forget about it. 

One day, I met with my accountability partner and she said it to me straight (straight from God), I was having a hard time trying to figure out why I'm still dealing with my eating disorder and why it was so hard for me to give up.  She told me, "Kelley, you are dooming yourself to failure because every time you start something you already know you are going to fail.  You have no faith you are going to get out of this." I kind of pushed it aside at first, and automatically spitted out, "Yes I do!" After quick consideration, I realized I don't.  I've spent all my life with this eating disorder, 23 years at failing with this.  After countless of start up diets, I've already ingrained in my mind, I'm going to fail.  Sure, I'll lose some pounds.  Sure, I'll maybe even lose half a person in weight, but every time... I have gained it all back and more. 

I've realized why God has been putting faith in my daily conversations, and why what Pastor Andrew said has stuck with me.  I've been praying and praying and praying... praying and praying even more that I get freed from this.  Some days I've come to the point of just bawling my head of to God begging Him to make it all go away.  I've finally realized, sure I want freedom, but I'm not believing its going to happen.  After all, 23 years of never seeing it happen can do a lot to you.  But not today.  I am making a stand right now.  I choose to have FAITH I WILL GET OUT OF THIS. 

The bible stories all show, God healed someone when that person had faith that he/she would get healed.  Like the woman who had internal bleeding.  She had so much faith that she crawled through crowds of people just to touch... to touch the hem of His garment.  She knew within her heart of hearts that if she could just touch Him, she would be healed.  She never doubted for one second.  Not to mention the courage she had.  Back in those days, being sick was a social menace! No healthy person wanted to touch, be near you, or even make eye contact with you.  She had to go through all these people who were probably rejecting her right and left.  But... she knew she if she could just touch Him, she would be healed.  She did, she was healed.  Her faith healed her.  Even Jesus said that.  There are countless of stories of which God healed people who had faith. 

I also want to make note, praying is not bad.  Praying is a good thing! God hears your prayers and wants to listen to your concerns.  But sometimes, we just need to have a little bit more faith.   After all, we pray for miracles, but miracles are things that happen out of the ordinary.  Things we don't see everyday, things that go above and beyond our expectations.  That is precisely why we need faith! Faith is believing the unseen, and not just that, believing it will happen, not maybe it will happen. 

Boy, what a radical revelation! God is so amazing, isn't he?  Someday I WILL get out of this.  And man, have my eating habits changed since this started! I've noticed night and day differences.  GOD IS HERE! AND HE IS WORKING!!!!!! GLORY HALLELUJAH!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Updates are Good Once in a While

So here's the 411.  I am doing well.  Working and chilaxing. Monday night Tutoring started up again so I am having a good time there.  My student from last year decided not to return. I was quite shocked as she told me all last year how she loved it and even her younger sister (who was too young yet for the program) wanted to come.  When the first tutoring session started last week, I met my new student.  Low and behold, she was my previous year's student's best friend! She even knew me, told her friend that I was her tutor this year and they drew me pictures! It was so sweet! I even got a little teary-eyed! And that's pretty unusual for me to get teary-eyed! I still have those pictures in my purse.  My new student also told me that the reason my other student didn't come back this year is because she is moving to California.  Ahh, now that makes sense.  Such a bum, I'm going to miss that little sweety! I was so excited to try out some new things with her this year but I am also excited to try out some of those things with my new student, who is an absolute doll by the way! She's already made room for herself in my heart!

Other things, my dear friend is now in Ghana doing the Lord's work! I miss her already but she's off doing bigger and better things! I'm so happy that she's there and fulfilling her dream! It's been a long and tiring road to get her there and she deserves this so much for her kind and faithful spirit.  It's so cool to also say I am good friends with a "missionary" :) hehehe!

Other than that, my job at American Family Insurance is going well. I sill love it and am enjoying working there.  Wish it was a permanent position but not everything can perfect, right? :)

My new car is running smoothly and I enjoy having such a beautiful blessing.  God really blessed me with that car.  I guess it just means He loves me! :D

One other side note, for all my friends out there, I still have a lot of free time and I really enjoy hanging out with people.  Don't be nervous to call me up and hang out!

One thing I am really excited for is Christmas.  It's only 2 1/2 months away and my family will FINALLY be able to be together again! Yes, it's true.  All four kids will be home for Christmas.  So we'll have Mom, dad, Melissa and Cory with their two wonderful and adorable kids, Ryan and Liesl with their amazing daughter Ryelie and even the newest one who hasn't come out yet.  He/she will be here by Christmas though! :) Then there's Nate and his wife Vanessa coming home as well.  Last but not least, then there's me! :) We have not been all together at the same time since my sister's wedding back in like 2006! So bear with me as my excitement boils as Christmas draws near! Of course, I'm also excited to celebrate Jesus's birth too! Can't forget the reason for the season!

I believe that is all the updates for now! Bye ya'all!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

No words can express how thankful I am for you.  You, by the grace of God, have shown me what true friendship really is.  You've held me when I cried, consoled me when I was down, laughed even when I wasn't funny, played along with my goofy pranks, been honest with me even when I may not have wanted to hear it.  The wisdom you display goes far beyond your years, and I love having the benefit to reap what you've sown.  God's called you to do His work and it brings us to be at different ends of the world.  Although technology is a love-hate relationship, I sure will enjoy having the option to Skype, Facebook, poke, and email you. Although communication may not be as often as we've gotten in the habit of doing but it will have to do. 

You are loved, You are cherished, and I will be praying for you as you embark on this amazing journey God has for you.  If you ever feel like you maybe alone, just remember, you have hundreds of people praying and thinking of you, including me.  Many many blessings to you and your journey.

Love,
Kelley Welu

Thursday, September 16, 2010

A New Day

The sun is shining, the leaves are falling, the flowers are still there sprouting their beautiful colors before they have to say goodbye.  Morning has come, a new day has begun.  I can't worry about the things of yesterday because that's just that, yesterday is yesterday.  You can always start over.  I've repented for my sins to God, and forgiven my self for completing them.  I don't know what's always going on, I don't understand why things happen the way they do, nor why I do the things I do, but one thing I do know... I love God, and He loves me.  Together we'll get through this.  Together we'll get through this. 

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Daily Battle

It seems to me that everyday we are tempted, tried, and tested.  I've been struggling with this myself.  It's not very easy.   A lot of times I wonder if freedom will ever come.  It's at this point where everything you do is critical.  Things you are addicted to, things that you love, that are wrong and not good for you are showing their lovely scheming little face any chance it can get.  It's a really hard place because you love God, you really do, but you also love your addiction.  After all it's been there for you, it's helped you "get over" things, it's made you feel secure, it's never talked back to you, it's been the best friend you've ever had. 

But I've come to realize some of those aren't even true.  It can't help you get over things, your only stuffing them, stuffing them for a day when your inner volcano erupts or so much bitterness and anger engrosses you to the point where life just sucks.  No glass is ever half full.  Your will to live is at stake.  It may have been there for you when you needed it but only to comfort you into a lull form of guilt and not freedom.  It may have made you feel secure for those few seconds or minutes you let your self indulge in your secret guilty passion, but the moment passes. You're left alone again, alone to face those same trials over and over again, leading you to only want more of your addiction of choice.  It may have been your best friend you've ever had because you've never known any friend that could be better.  You haven't had the chance to experience what true friendship is. 

So here we, having been introduced to an unfathomable God who's love for you is so immeasurable, so pure, so amazing. A God who's thoughts about you measure more than the grains of sand on the earth. A God who has great plans for you, plans that are better than any plan you'll ever imagine. You've come to love Him.  But now we're facing an even bigger challenge.  We have to choose between God and our addiction.  God wants all of you, He has his loving hands outstretched to you, waiting for you. But your addiction.  How can you give up on it so easy? You've known this addiction all your life, you've grown to be comfortable around it and it's surroundings.  It's made you feel so good, but... only for a moment. 

You've come to the decision. You want God, You want Jesus, You want Freedom! You want eternal happiness and joy! But your addiction doesn't give up that easy.  It finds ways to pick at you, shows up at the perfect most vulnerable times, it never lets your forget your indulging sinful pleasures.  You just want to be happy. You've found the One who can make you happy, yet you still find yourself wanting what was once comfortable for you. 

There's no easy answer for this dilemma.  Only one that I have found.  Daily we have to surrender, daily we have to sacrifice our wants for our True Love.  When you love someone, I mean really love someone, you'll do anything for that person, anything to please that person even when it comes to giving up what you LOVE so your love can blossom and grow with your chosen Lord.  It's so hard, harder than anything you'll have to do in your life.  I can only encourage you, be your friend, and to be honest, I am going through this very thing right now.  Keep trying my friend. Keep fighting for the One you Love, your Lord, your Father, your Savior, your Jesus! He'll be there for you every step of the way, show you friendship that is so amazing and far beyond any friendship you can comprehend.  Oh how I wish there was some magic wand to wave, a magic pill to take to take this all away.  I've wished this for myself so many times.  Keep strong my friend.  Hold your head up high, your loving Savior WILL get you out of this, no matter how deep you think you've gone.  He WILL get you out of this! He WILL.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Gay vs. Christian Debate

My church's sermon last week talked about homosexuality and what the bible has to say about it.  The sermon was tying into the series of Unbiblical Animals - Cows and Elephants in the Room.  (Or open concerns that no one talks about) I have to say, last Sunday's sermon was the best.  I can't tell you how much people are hurting due to Christianity's passing judgements on homosexuals.  It really hurts me to see that.  Pastor Andrew Vargas was the preacher last Sunday and may I say, did a phenomenal job.  This is no easy subject to preach about but he got across the point -- Homosexuality is a sin, but it is no worse a sin then saying a little white lie.  Somehow Christians have come to believe that being gay is the most unfathomable sin and your going to go to hell for even thinking about it.  How can they be any worse then I am? I have sins, I'm human! The bible clearly says, "for ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23).   By those standards, I should be going to hell, everyone should be going to hell.  But it's only by God's amazing grace that you or I can be saved.  We need to love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength. 

I want to reference the verses Pastor referenced to show that in fact, the bible does say homosexuality is a sin:
"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."  1 Corinthians 6:9-11
Or you can also check out these verses as well that Pastor gave:
- Genesis 2:24
- Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13
- Mark 10:6-9
- Romans 1:24-31
- 1 Timothy 1:9-10

To me, homosexuality is the same level of sin as me eating away my problems.  I'm committing gluttony which the bible also says is a sin.  I struggle everyday to overcome those temptations of eating.  Thankfully God has been helping me.  One day at a time He is there so I can learn.   

To those of you out there who struggle with homosexuality.  I sincerely apologize.  Sincerely apologize for judging you, for looking at you differently, and for not seeing past your sins and loving the sinner.  After all, I am a sinner too.  My wish is to be loved also, so why shouldn't I love you?  I've changed.  I want you to know, I love you no matter what you do.  Please forgive me.  I know this doesn't make it right for my actions, and I am really sorry, but my honest heart cry is that you'll forgive me for hurting you. 

If you want to check out Pastor's sermon regarding this, follow the link below.



Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Reacurring Revelations

It never ceases to amaze me how I still haven't learned to read my bible every day.   The Lord's convicted me and convicted me.  I bear witness to the countless of times I've become so vulnerable to the enemy when I fail to read my bible for extended periods of time.  Some days I just get so excited to read and then there are days when I look at my bible and think it's a chore.  Before I know it a whole week has gone by.  I am thankful however that these so called, "Periods" are scaled down a bit.  I remember times where it would be months at a time.  That was a long time ago.  I seem to be one of those people who love extremes on both ends.  I will read my bible extensively for a while, and completely drop it out of my life for another period of time.  The whole routine just repeats itself continuously.  Take water for instance.  I drink water in periods as well.  There a months where I drink 5 water bottles a day, I just crave it.  Then I can just stop, and before I know it, I'm not even drinking water anymore and for months on end I might add.  That can't be good for me. 

This week has been trying, very trying and I blame my lack of persistence, because I've only picked up my bible maybe once for personal reading.  I guess I just can't stress enough the fact how everything seems so much harder, worse then they actually are, or how cravings and temptations outweigh me when I simply skip reading my bible.  And whats worse, I feel completely distant from God when I do.

Well I've said it myself, the benefit of reading my bible is way more than saving a few minutes and not reading.  So, the question is, when will I learn???

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Honesty With A Sincere Heart

I've been blessed, extremely blessed.  I've been learning a lot of things, and growing in my walk with the Lord.  He's been so good to me, words can not express how thankful I am to my Heavenly Father.  But... questions arise within me. 

I am going to be honest, having gone to Mercy Ministries to finally get "rid" of my problem with overeating, I am able to say, I still fall weakness to this temptation.  I rebuke it in Jesus Name! (Don't want the devil to get a hold of what I just said) Since my 1 1/2 years after Mercy, I've struggled with it on and off and my God has really been helping me along this path. Take for instance, something amazing happened a few weeks ago at Church and I really felt the God just gave me Mercy over my addiction and renewed me, just refreshed me to a new beginning.  It's been tremendous since then.  I have felt that I just got off a long healthy fast.  Eating was not even a problem after that, I can't begin to describe how wonderful it was.  God is just so unfathomably amazing. He's done so much in my life.  But the past couple days I have been my old self again.  It leads me to thinking, "What went wrong? What did I do? Did I not read my bible enough? Did I not pray enough? Did I not do this? Did I not do that? Why did I just eat this?" and all the thoughts that come along side that.  It was really confusing to me when I realized my errors in eating.  I kept thinking that I ruined what happened on that Sunday a few weeks ago.  Why can't what happened be a permanent fix? Eating is just so hard for me.  In all honesty, this problem is just too much for me.  I'm extremely sick of it, tired of fighting it, but yet somehow at peace because I feel as though I have been able to depend on God way more in trying to fix this problem. 

I have to wonder if I will ever get a permanent fix for my emotional eating or will I be having my good days and bad days the rest of my life. Will I ever get to the point where God has completely freed me from this problem or at least enough to make the good days far outweigh the bad days? I'm not too sure of these answers.  I guess I'll just have to keep taking it one day at a time like I've been doing and always realize,  This problem IS too big for me, I must always depend on God.  It is only because of Jesus that I have gotten as far as I am.  I never would have dreamed to be here today and having accomplished so much.  But do you know what? It's not even been how God has been helping me in my problems but the best part is how close we have gotten through out all of this.  I've been praying to get closer to God since I was a little girl.  I'm finally to the point where I've become vulnerable enough to God to let him completely in my life.  Give everything to Him.  Even the things I completely hold dear.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Peculiar Epiphany's

Through out the last few months, I've noticed something peculiar.  A peculiar epiphany that slightly makes me happy but also never fails to let me know, I'm in need of prayer.  I've been having major breakthroughs in the area's of my main weaknesses and my golly gee whitakers! That does NOT make the devil happy! :) (Which makes me happy and I love my happiness over his!)

The breakthroughs have been tremendous varying in range from small to huge with great results.  God has been so amazing.  And I say that not lightly but in the full context of the terms I used.  God is seriously AMAZING. I give him all the Glory because everything that has happened to me has all been due to what He has done.  I am simply just trying to tag along and listen and be obedient to Him. 

Now to get this straight, I have never been the type of person to have "dreams" or "nightmare's".  Usually my sleep is uninterrupted peaceful bliss.  But even more recently I've been noticing a change.  On the days when I have breakthroughs I get dreams at night, bad dreams.  I wouldn't say nightmares because they don't scare me, but just bad dreams.  Dreams that usually consist of me indulging in my past sins, as if to remind me how good it felt when I took part in my old sins.  I wake up confused and can remember my dreams vividly.  It makes me happy to know the devil apparently feels threatened enough to try and bring me down, but like I said earlier, makes me realize I am in definite need of prayer.  There is a spiritual battle going on and I have to put on my full armor of God and stand firm.  These times in my life can require no slip in my nightly bible readings or my prayers to God.  Every one of those things are needed to help me get through this.  I can't take the chance to be vulnerable to the devil.

Over the weekend I felt God impressing upon me through other people and Sunday's sermon that I need to keep up with my bible reading.  It had been a week since I read my bible last and so I realized my loving correction and made it a point to read last night no matter how late I stayed up.  (which seems to have been my consistent excuse to not read this past week).  It was one of those nights where I thought it would be just good to let God pick where I read, so I got to where I thought He was leading me and low and behold, this was the first verse I read... And boy! Was it an eye-popper!
"Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the LORD rises upon you."
Isaiah 60:1 ((NIV)
It struck me in a very personal way, which would be waaaay too long of a story for me to tell you! :) And from this verse I received a, again personal, breakthrough! It happened to be just the verse I needed.  Although I haven't quite found out the full extent to how those verses will end up meaning in my life, but I'm sure the clarification is not too far away.  But one thing I do know, God is using me! Which has been my prayer since I was a little girl.  In what shape or form? I have no idea.  But I am eager to know!

Well because of my amazing breakthrough last night I received another one of those bad dreams again.  The devil is trying to remind me of how (falsely) good it felt to indulge in my past sins.  You know what? Ain't gunna happen! I have felt what true JOY feels like.  There is nothing that compares.  No sin can ever make me this happy.  So here I am, standing (well actually sitting in a chair) this morning, ready.  Here I am Lord, use me!

And for all you spiritual prayer warriors out there! I sure could use some prayer! :) And even if you're not a prayer warrior, your prayer still counts!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Disheartened

A little while ago I started having Car problems.  Too much to fix.  I have a 99' Oldsmobile Intrigue that has been faithful to me since I was 17.  One by one more issues started to surface these past couple months.  It was decided to have my dad drive it back to Sioux Falls (where he lives) and see if it is worth fixing or not and to see how much the car would be worth. 

The news came today with news that still shocks me but yet somehow seemed expected.  The engine is shot, a complete goner.  I didn't have the most diligent amount of oil changes and found out that had a part in why in the engine is failing.  So now I am feeling quite devastated, especially knowing it was my lack of care that provided some of the mishaps.  I've definitely learned my lesson now.  It was my first car, my only car, and now I have to buy a new one.  Although I am slightly excited that a change will take place.  I always love it when something new comes along but I am saddened to see my faithful car go. 

Living on my own since I was 18, I don't have any major debts besides a small credit card and now the thought of putting my self into a major debt in buying a car scares me a little.  God has been showing his faithfulness and love through these trying times the past few months, so I know he will provide for this new car.  He's provided me with so much already. 

Needless to say, I am a mixture of emotions right now, but mainly I am beating myself up a little bit.  That of which know needs to stop, beating yourself up is never a good option.  I'm going to stand up and face my consequences as a mature young adult.  Oye ...I'm ready. 

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Missionary Liz

So, there's this amazing girl who happens to be friends with me (Lord know's why! hehe just kidding) And I love her to death. She's been there for me during my dark days and during my great days.  I'm just so excited for what God has in store for this woman.  I thought I would introduce her to you.  Her name is Elizabeth (Liz) Prichard.  The Lord has put in her heart to go to Ghana.  In the past, she went to Ghana two times for mission trips and ever since then, her heart never came with her back to Minnesota, it was left in Ghana.  This woman has one of the biggest hearts I know.  She received an opportunity a while ago to go to Ghana and be a Missionary Associate for two years.  You better believe she's stoked!! I'm so happy for her! Although I am going to sincerely miss her while she is away, I know it would be extremely selfish of me to hold her back. 

If you have the time, I would love for you to pray for my dear friend.  She's going out to the spiritual battlefield, that of which doesn't make the devil the least bit happy.  If you can pray for protection, money to fall in her lap for her fundraising, and that she can reach so many people in Ghana for Jesus.  Pray that she can be light, a light that I know her to be.  She's going to do great!

I want to personally thank her for everything and to let her know, that I will be praying for her. She will always have a poke waiting for her on Facebook. (we have poke wars) I wish her the best!

If you would like to find out more about her, feel free to visit her website, where there is a whole site filled with more information and financial support information.  If you have it on your heart to give, as one who personally knows her, I assure you, she is a great missionary to support.  Here is her website...


You Go Girl!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Continually Amazed

Church is getting more and more amazing each week.  I love that our pastor is talking about very serious and often ignored topics such as politics, and why bad things happen to good people, worship and all that.  It gets me wondering about what is going to be talked about next week? But you know what has been really amazing? The worship.   The worship has been unbelievable.  God has been speaking to me a lot through worship.  It makes me feel so touched because it reminds me that God is still here with me.  So often durning the week I start to doubt.  I get to thinking, "Oh no! Somethings wrong!" I dwell on all the negative and sometimes can forget that God is still there and working on me.  That He still loves me, He's still has grace, mercy, and freedom extended to me.

To be honest, I absolutely love when God works on me.  It's the most painful thing in the world but I just can not get over the loving feeling when I know God is here with me, showing his amazing mercy and grace on me.  His presence really is like the bible says it is.  Once you've had it, you'll never want to go anywhere without it, and you'll never be the same again.  I would go through this past gruesome several months all over again because I have never felt more loved than I do now.  God really is Good.


Thursday, July 22, 2010

Addictions And Predictions

I've been tested and tried this past few weeks like non other.  It seems as though the devil just loves to torment my weakness.  Addictions are so ridiculous.  Through out this I've felt the need to read Romans 8 every night before bed.  It's not the whole chapter but the first section in that chapter.  For those who know Romans 8, you know it's a pretty significant chapter.  I've posted the section below...


Romans 8 (NIV)
Life Through the Spirit
    1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.[c] And so he condemned sin in sinful man,[d] 4in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
    5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.6The mind of sinful man[e] is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7the sinful mind[f] is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
    9You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 10But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.
    12Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.[g] And by him we cry, "Abba,[h] Father." 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Through this I think I am learning, we will sin, we will do bad things, we will do things that seem uncontrollable to us, but the trick is to stop feeling so guilty! It's hard, and I am fighting that same aspect myself.  But as you see in Romans 8 we are slaves to sin, sin is making our decisions.  We must realize that we are human and it's how we respond to our mistakes that changes us and makes us who we are.   It's so hard. I can get so frustrated with myself regarding the choices I make, but if I start to feel guilty it only gets worse.  We just have to keep on trying and trying again.

Ladies & Gentlemen, the ONLY way we can get out of this is THROUGH Jesus.  We can not do this, hence why it says in Galatians 2:20 that we must be crucified with Christ, so that WE are dead, and CHRIST is the one who is living in us.  When He lives in us, our wants will be sacrificed.  Thus becoming a slave (an extremely well-treated slave) to Christ verses becoming a slave to sin, where we die and get treated very horribly I might add.  Choose you this day whom you will serve.

I say this as not a person who's overcome my addictions but as one who is learning everyday and fighting to become free.  As one who is trying to follow Christ even though I fail at times.   I am in the midst of my struggles and definitely not a perfect person.  

Friday, July 16, 2010

I've Got News!

The LORD is SO GOOD to me! I'm happy to announce I've just been offered a Receptionist Position through a staffing Agency at American Family Insurance!!!

I start on Monday!

I'm so pleased and thankful right now! God is so good!!!! Couldn't have come a at a better time!

Thank you to all of you who have been praying for me!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

When It Comes To Freedom?

Thoughts have been in my brain these past few weeks.  Thoughts of freedom, security, love, promises, joy, and how messed up it seems I can be.  Nothing bad mind you, I'm just stating the obvious.  We all know, every single one of us struggles and we can all admit to thinking that we are just messed up.   Somedays it gets a hold of me, moreso than others.  Somedays I seem to see every flaw and every bad habit that needs fixing.  It gets so frustrating to me.  My errors seem to come in every shape or size.  Some are going to take a long time to overcome, some probably only need a few minor changes to get rid of, but for whatever size they may be it doesn't distinguish the quantity of my problems.  It's just overwhelming.  I see these flaws and I just want them gone, I want them rid of, I want Freedom from them.   As a Christian, it's easy to get caught up in the whole "I shouldn't have these problems, I should have freedom in Christ".   That is precisely the thoughts I have been struggling with these past few weeks.  

I've been hearing things how Christians underestimate the power Jesus has, how He has given us the same power to help people, to help us.   It gets me thinking, just when will we see this evident in our own lives? I know God has promised me Freedom but yet I daily struggle to keep on top of my addictions.  One slip too many could potentially lead me places I have long tried to forget.   Temptations are still there, I still can't have certain foods around, I can't look at my weakness and feel, "I've got this under control".  Every day is a fight for me.  

I asked a pastor about these questions and he gave me a wise reply. "There is no magic wand, no magic pill to take, to eliminate our problems" Oh how I wish it was that easy.  For some God can completely wipe away sin in peoples lives in a heartbeat, but for most of us, he chooses to help us get rid of them and overcome them.  He said, everyday is a process, every morning we need to wake up and die to ourselves, sacrifice our wants for what God wants, take things one step at a time.   It sounds depressing but yet completely true.   It reminds me of one of my favorite verses...  
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."  Galatians 2:20
We just need to trust that God has got our back.  He died for us to be free, why wouldn't he carry it out to completion?  Especially when we are ready, willing, and asking for this amazing freedom to take place in our lives.  God has been working on me a lot regarding my eating habits, my emotional well being, my past, forgiveness and so much more.  It's just seems so hard because I can only see so much at a time.  What seems like very little or no progress to me could mean milestones for God.   In the end, I know God will carry out his promise to me, He will grant me my freedom.  Another thing I have to remember, I am still human.  I am still living on Earth.  Complete freedom will not take place until that glorious day when I get to see my Jesus face to face.  That hug will be a hug I'll never want to let go.  

Monday, July 5, 2010

Life, And All That Implies

3 weeks into my unemployment and not a whole lot has turned up.  I'm using my money wisely, by not spending ANY of it! But life happens you know? There's not a whole lot we can do when life chooses to happen.  My poor car I've had since I was 18 is pretty broken right now.  Something is wrong with my front driver's side tire, I can feel it as I drive.  My car doesn't drive as straight as it once did either.  Not to mention my air conditioner decided to have mood swings on me, so some days I get it but most days I don't.  I know I need at least my tire fixed because I am pretty sure it's not technically safe to drive on but alas... it is my only source of transportation.   I've been trying not to drive it except to Church and back but even then, it probably won't help much.  I am ready for job.  I have to get my car fixed soon.  I've gotten a couple of tips, but most only leading to seasonal jobs.  I'm not going to turn my head away on those because even seasonal jobs supply paychecks! 

I have to say it's been a relaxing past 3 weeks of unemployment.  I've had hardly anything really to do but spend some time on me.  I've had my bad days as well, but thankfully those have not been too often!  

Honestly I could use some prayer support.  Especially for God to supply a job and for my car to get fixed with little expense.  I'm trying to keep my faith up as I know God will provide but I am human.  I'd be lying to say I have no worries.  

I think what has really been on my mind as far as emotional and spiritual changes has been centered on one single word, and that is Honesty.  I'm seeing more and more that true friendship feeds on true honesty towards each other even when it comes to point where it may hurt that other person.  In the long run it's better.  I'm tired of being the person who sneaks along trying to please everyone and keep my opinions to myself.  I was such a horrible people pleaser before Mercy and I've become better but I still have a long ways to go.  It was to the point where I didn't have opinions... on anything!  God has given me a life, circumstances I've learned from, and friends I've gained honest support from, why in the world should I hide what God has given me?  I'm trying to change.  I want to be able to speak my mind. For all of you who have known me as the push-over well, Kelley the people pleasing push over is no more! For those of you who are in contact with me, I'll give you honesty but I also want honesty in return.  Feel free to speak your mind with me as well! 

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Day 3

Day 3 of unemployment is coming to a close.  It has been going smoothly and wonderfully.  My worries are increasingly diminishing everyday as thankfully my past has not crept up on me.  I have been making it through the days quite well.  I talked with my sister before my job ended, as she was laid off a few months ago, how she is handling the days to her self.  She mentioned the key is to start moving right away.  Take a shower, don't dottle and start watching TV.  Thanks to her great advice, that is precisely what I have been doing.  Getting up the second I awake, eat breakfast, take my shower, do some work around the house, job search and whatever else needs to be done that day.  I am so thankful that God has been helping me through this, I know I would not be able to get through these days to myself if it were only 1 year ago.  There is some things you know you just can't do on your own, and this is one of them.  It is only by God's precious grace I am getting through these 24 hour days.

I know some of you were wondering how my move went, well it went very well! I am all settled in at my new residency.  The family I moved in with is so ridiculously amazing that I can hardly believe how blessed I am.  I pray they get a double handful of blessings every night.  My room, well lets just say, ever since I left for Mercy, I've been in a room, I couldn't really decorate.  Even after Mercy, I lived with my uncle using his furniture in the guest bedroom.  I decorated a little bit but it still wasn't crying "me".  I went and unpacked boxes that have been stored for two years now and grabbed my old decorations and cute things I've missed.  My room is beautiful.  With a black bookshelf stocked full of good books and DVD's, a black and silver desk decorated with shinny things, Red, silver, black accents through out the room, and my lovely twin bed with my beautiful comforter and sheets.  I've missed my room and I'm so happy it's returned.  Hint* Can you tell I love Black, Silver, and Red????

Thanks to some great friends, I had four helpers show up to help me move.  I can't thank them enough for their great kindness and generosity in helping me.  It took longer than I expected but I heard no complaints.  I can't thank them enough.  It's amazing to me how God is showing me what true friendships are.  The kind where, we can be so outright honest with each other, or jump to the other person's aid with out question.  The kind where they treat you with respect, and value your friendship.  I LOVE having God be in control of things! They work out soooooo much better!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Last Day

I'm finishing up my last day of work! Kind of scary to think about.  I have only 30 minutes left. Prayers are much appreciated, and job referrals!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Getting Prepared

I've been keeping myself busy trying to organize everything for the big changes coming up.  With my job ending and moving into a different place happening in the same weekend, THIS weekend, I've got plenty to think about and do. 

Right now as I sit at work, with no work, I am trying to get everything ready for my last day on Friday; flipping files, rearranging supplies, cleaning everything, moving things around, and really trying to create the least amount of work for my manager the day I leave.  This job has been good to me, I'm sad it has to end but happy about what ever new and exciting thing God has in store for my employment next.  I've just flipped about 150 file folders so that they can be reused, and still have about 150 more to go.  Exciting I know!

Not to mention, while sitting here at work for my Monday through Friday 8 hour job, I have ample amount of time to sit here and organize in my head what I can be doing at home to get ready for the move.  I would love nothing more to be at home performing these tasks but, I mid-as-well get another paycheck in before I leave.  

Throughout all of this, I am remaining in high-spirits.  With my only source of income being completely diminished, I'm surprised I'm not more worried than I am.  Somehow I know, I will be taken care off.  With every activity I've been involved in basically coming to a close by this Friday, I have more concern in the area of what exactly I will do to pass up the time.  The only thing I have left on my calendar for the summer is literally Sunday morning Church.  I'm trying not to worry about all this time to myself.  Switching to a view from the past, time to myself included stuffing my face full of food, watching non-stop movies/TV, and emotionally beating myself up every hour of the day... I know who I was.  But that's just it... That is who I WAS.  I'm curious to see how I react to this period of life being the new person God has molded me to be.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still a lump of clay in the Potter's hands but at least I have a little form now to that lump of clay.  I'll probably make mistakes, there will be days when things go wrong, but the key is to learn from those mistakes and keep pressing on, gaining even more ground then the ground that was lost. 

Needless to say, I am actually quite excited about these changes, because out of the changes even more emotional changes might happen! And I like those types of changes. 

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

In Christ Alone

Look at these powerful words from a great song... I pray these words become my lifesong.

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
I especially want you to notice this line...
 "Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me"
We are no longer a slave to sin everyone... we've been FREED.  Don't look at sin with fear, but with strength knowing God has given you the power to overcome them.  Not even sin could keep you away from God, he loves us too much to let such a small thing come in between you and Him.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Sunday, May 30, 2010

How can Thanks ever be enough?

When I look back at how far God's brought me, and who I was not only even a year and half ago, thankfulness begins to well up inside of me.  I am a living testimony.  My life used to never be anything, it was without purpose, without life, and love. To see how far God has brought me today is just so unfathomable.  

These past few months, I can honestly say I feel completely blind.  Blind to those around me, blind to my future, blind to what happens even with in the next few moments.  Everything is dark around me and the only thing I can count on is the hand of my Jesus guiding me through.  Having faith that He'll guide me in the right direction and I won't stub my toe along the way, or He won't lead me down the wrong path.  I'm learning everyday.  Learning to follow, to listen, to be obedient, to love, to be thankful, patient, and just to have faith. 

I'm being stripped of everything I've held dear, that I've put my faith in.  My hands are bare with nothing to hold that's of value.  I've been stripped of my title of who I thought I was.  Someone I was never meant to be.  In the process I've been shown who I really am.  Someone that is really loved, wanted, and adored.  I'm finding a God in a deeper aspect than I have ever known before.  Some days are harder then the next, some days I just want to go back to what I know is comfortable.  To go back to a chair where my mark has been permanently etched from years of staying in the same place.  But I can't.  I don't want it anymore.  The amazing adrenaline of walking into the unknown is such a mysterious adventure.  Being lead through the dark by Jesus brings me more curiosity that makes my comfortable past seem like a gray canvas compared to the bright and colorful things I find now.  My relationship with my Heavenly Father is so hard to put into words.  I'm impressed at all that I've missed out on these past 22 years.  I find I just want to be with Him.  I'm beginning to trust, I'm beginning to love. 

From being a depressed morbidly obese teenager who binged herself to sleep at night to becoming a woman who's experienced true freedom, a true and unconditional love.  A man who comforts me when I cry, strokes the my tear-stained hair behind my ear, who laughs when I laugh, whose heart breaks when mine breaks.  A man whose thoughts about me measure more than the grains of sand on the earth.  A man who loves me despite my human sins and desires, who doesn't define me by my talents or faults, but as someone precious, His daughter.  A daughter of The King.  How can my thanks ever be enough? How can words ever express how thankful I am?  How can I ever repay the kindness He bestows upon me day in and day out? But I never can and never will be able to.  But He knows and that's all that matters. 

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Truth

Don't define me by what I look like and do. 

    I'm not on display for you!




                    I am not a singer

         Or a food binger

  I am not for you to analyze
    
       Or some one for you to criticize

             I am not an artist

Or the lack of being the smartest




        In case you didn't understand

           I can tell you what I am




                 I  AM a child of The Lord

     I AM significantly adored

           I AM chosen by the King

I AM valued not by how I sing




           In case this is new to you          

              I AM Kelley Welu


P.S It's very nice to meet you!



Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I Know He'll Provide

It's been a strange day today.  With news that my brother-in-law Cory lost his job, I'm at mixed emotions.  My sister lost her job just a month or so ago as well...from the same company.  So now they are both jobless with a son and a little one on the way.  I'm so sad for them but yet I have this overwhelming persistent feeling that God will make a way for them.  Some how shape or form, God will supply their every need.  I just know it.  Although this didn't happen to me, I feel for them and was a little upset with the news but still, God let me know, It will be alright.  He gave me a free pop. :) haha! You are probably thinking, "What?! A free pop? What's so cool about that?" I don't really know.  But it made my day and that's all I needed. :D

Monday, May 17, 2010

On the 11th Day

Today marks the 11th day that my persistent headache has chosen to torment me.  By this time I'm almost getting used to it.  I went to the doctor a few days ago but as I expected, they didn't really have much to say.  She did say there is a possibility that a headache can precede a viral infection, so I am told to look out for any cold symptoms.  Right now I am just tired/sleepy and wishing the pain in my head would go away.  I was talking with my mother on the phone the other day, I got abnormal sharp pain that stabbed the side of my head every once in a while.  I'm hoping this is not something bigger than just a headache.  I'm going to the store today to  find some new pain medication. A friend suggested tension headache medicine so I might try that.  In the mean time, I really appreciate your prayers.  All's I know, God is good, All the time.

Monday, May 10, 2010

God Ordained Rest

I'm thinking lately that God must want me to just rest. As I am looking at my ever decreasing calendar and noticing how all my weekly activities are now starting to wind down and eventually stop.  I see that by June 18th, all my nightly activities, whether it be tutoring, counseling, Alpha, etc. will be done.   I literally see an open calendar with no events besides Sunday church and the occasional swing dancing.  What is even funnier is that my job is also ending...on June 18th.  I will have literally nothing to do.  No work, no activities, only endless amounts of time.  This will be interesting as ever, because since I have been back from Mercy Ministries, I have made it my point to jump into things and get involved, to keep busy and not be bored.  For my past, boredom and staying at home has only led to emotional eating and binges.  I'm curious to see how I will handle this involuntary time away from everything as the new person that I am.  I am no longer an emotional binge eater.  I'm not.  The devil himself knows it.  These past tribulations and trials that I have endured these past few months have only shown me that I have been freed.  I no longer need to be afraid of food.  It no longer has a hold of me by the power of Jesus Christ.  I've felt it too!

This past week, I decided to go to the grocery store to pick up some chips or something for the Life Group I was going to that night.  As I was walking down an isle filled with what used to be my sinful foods of choice, I suddenly started to get fearful. I was thinking, oh gosh, I don't know how I am going to handle this, Oh gosh.  I used to this, I used to that... And as I started to think of those thoughts of the past, I suddenly felt, "You no longer need to be afraid, you've been freed." The amazing peace and POWER that I felt was unspeakable.  I had this great smile on my face and was filled with shear jubilation as I walked down that isle, I felt completely comfortable and at peace walking through the sins of the past.  As I grabbed a bag of chips for the party, I walked out of that isle knowing, things will never be the same.  I looked back and even stuck out my tongue! Thankfully no one was behind me so that they didn't see this random girl stick out her tongue but you know :) haha!

Anyways, what will I do with all my time? I'm planning  to use this given time to just rest, be strengthened, and draw close to God.  I'm going to need it.  If through Jesus, I can overcome this period of rest and boredom, I just know that together we can overcome anything. 

P.S Prayers are always appreciated. :)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Having Faith

Lately, it seems God has been really trying to have me just press into Him, let go, and give up control.  A great hint of this was at Swing Dancing the other night.  I was dancing with a guy where at the end of the dance I am supposed to fall into him and he holds me up.  It was WEIRD! but fun.  It was so hard for me to do because I basically had to have faith that this guy can hold me up.  I am just lying there on his side.  We tried that move like 3 or 4 times but I just couldn't seem to let go and relax.  I think it was just another sign for me.   Giving up control is no easy thing.  Heck, I've been practicing being in control for 22 years, it's not something I can just drop like a hat.  But thankfully God has been super patient with me and waiting as I inch closer and closer to that day when I realize, God is in CONTROL. 

Having faith seems to be a hard thing.  Having faith in trusting people around you, having faith that your dancing partner is not going to drop you, having faith that God is going to supply your every need, having faith that even when you let go, God won't.  So much things require faith.  Faith is believing in the unseen, unknown. 

Swing Dancing couldn't have come at a better time.  I have to follow where ever my partner brings me.  I have to learn if he's twisting me, twirling me, if I stand still, fall, slide, move the left or the right.  The woman's position in swing dancing is learning where her partner takes her and following his orders. With out giving up control to what moves you want to do, swing dancing doesn't work. 

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Love


"4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love Checklist towards a person:

1: Am I patient with that person?
2: Am I kind to that person?
3: Am I envious of what (s)he has?
4: Do I boast of what I have?
5: Am I proud?
6: Am I rude to him/her?
7: Am I lifting myself up and not him/her?
8: Do I easily get angered with him/her?
9: Do I remember everything (s)he did wrong?
10: Am I happy when something bad happens to them?
11: Do I try to protect him/her?
12: Do I trust them?
13: Do I have high hopes for them?
14: Do I keep trying even when our relationship gets rough?
15: Do I give up on him/her?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Alpha

Last night was amazing and as they had fore-warned, utterly powerful. The session was about the open question, "Why did Jesus Die?" Pastor Tom displayed an awe-inspiring message that gripped many people by the heart. I love especially the figure he presented and how even though Jesus gave us a bridge to cross the Great Divide, it is still up to us to choose whether to walk across it or reject God entirely and stay where it "seems" comfortable. One of the things that most affected me was the story of Jesus's last words on the cross. "My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?" Ever since I can remember I always wondered why He said that. It didn't make sense to me. I had in my mind that God never forsake Jesus! I'll bet He was right there with him. Why would He have forsaken him? Wouldn't Jesus being without sin have known that? But now it all make complete and perfect sense. On that cross, Jesus, being completely perfect and sinless, chose to die the most brutal death in history, a crucifixion, so that we the sinners would not have to die for our sins. It's clearly stated in the Bible, "The wages of sin is death" (Romans 8:23) The truth is, even if we had never sinned except one little lie, we still deserved to die. We deserved to be on that cross, not Jesus. When he was up there, Jesus created a perfect spotless lamb, himself, as the sacrifice for our sins. He took all of the whole population's sin on his own shoulders that day. Because of this tremendous act of Mercy, God, Jesus's daddy, was up there in Heaven and had to look away at His own son because now he had "sin", OUR sin. God is so holy and pure that He can not look at sin or even be near it. So He had to look away even at His son's most crucial and trying time in his life. Talk about rejection. Rejection from fellow humans is well hardly nothing compared to the rejection of God. No wonder Jesus cried out, "My God! My God! Why have your forsaken me!" It breaks my heart. I could never imagine. I admit that I wished Jesus didn't die for us, we don't deserve this Love and Mercy He provides. It's hard to think of someone you love so much dying in your place, but not just dying, completely tortured beyond recognition. I can't imagine being in God's place and seeing my own son brutally murdered by the ones He came down to save. Love, Love. If you've ever wondered what love looked like. THAT, is it. You know what free's me? Now that the sin in our lives have been taken care of, God doesn't look at us anymore as sinners. He see's us as daughters and sons, perfect, bought and paid for, forgiven and free'd. He doesn't look at the sin that we constantly make. It helps so much that He doesn't dwell on my sin, but He forgives it and throws it out the back window and forgets it. He now only see's who we are and who we are meant to be, and not who we were and what we've done. I feel so.... valuable.