Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Home Sick... Again.

I just got to work at about 10:30 AM this morning.  I got the 24 hour stomach bug yesterday afternoon.  I knew something was up because anything I thought about eating for lunch, made me sick.  By 2:00 I was pretty naucious and weak.  Augh.  I made it to the end of the work day (4:30) but it got progressively worse once I got home.  I had 3 comforters on me and I was having severe chills for more than 3 hours.  I must have had a low fever as well.  I felt the heat radiating from my ears.  Anyway.  Something must not have settled right when I ate breakfast yesterday as I ended up seeing it again around 8:30 PM that night.  :(

Regardless, I stayed home this morning.  I feel slightly better but I was still extremely weak when I woke up.  It took all the effort I had to take a shower.  I ended up calling it in.  I'm feeling better even now so I decided to make my treck to work a few hours late.  So, here I am!

I was able to eat some crackers this morning and its staying there! So that's even better! My stomach was growling pretty loudly this morning since it hasn't ate anything in a day. 

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Not A Sound

Morning, daylight is peaking through the window shades. I realize it's time, time for me to get up. Slowly I take off the covers and shuffle to the bathroom. I can hear the creaks of the floor boards as I pass by. The wood is cold on my toes. I hear the faintest noise in the distance. I wonder who it could be? A door shuts as my name is being called, "Kelley?"

All is well, Its just my uncle. Minutes pass by as he mentions his car is stuck just outside the neighbors yard. A little while later after my dear uncle's car has been free'd from the frozen snow, I head off to work.

My head begins to mutter, "What are you doing, Kelley? Why are you going to work?"
The dull debate in my mind begins to take over, "But I should atleast try!" I responded, knowing full well the roads would be horrible to drive on.

I quickly shove off all thoughts in my mind and focus on the several inches of pure white snow beneath my wheels. I safely make it to main road as relief takes over my body upon the sight of little black tar trails peaking through the bland white snowy roads. The road has been plowed!

30 minutes later, I venture in to the parking lot of my work. Something is different, something is weird. As my car peaks upon the hill in the parking lot, I notice something. As my eyes begin to take in the surroundings... Its....empty!   I am taken aback by the pure eeriness of the vast amount of spaces to park. I tell myself as I venture through the stillness, "It's going to be a long day."

Even still, I press on. I park my tired and cold car to the closest parking spot I could find. There were too many spots to choose from. Eventually I decide.

"Here goes nothing" I thought as I open my driver side door. Upon the first seconds of my door being ajar, the bitter cold sweeps across the inside of the car sending chills down my spine. I quickly pull my coat around tighter across my waist. The first steps towards the building are normal, towards the 3rd step, I stop. Snow is still falling, But there was nothing, no creature was stirring, not even a mouse! I could have heard a pin drop. "Eerie, Eerie" begins to splash in my mind. I keep walking and taking in the every moment as snow still falls on my nose and eyelashes.

I hurriedly open the door to the building, swipe my badge, and open another door.

"Good morning!" I say to the security guards. They smile and wave back.
"At least there is someone here today, " I think to myself.

As I swipe my badge again to enter into the office area, I walk towards the elevators and push the arrow to go up. The elevator was not very busy today so it opened the second I pressed the button. I take a few steps in and press #4.

10 seconds later, the door opens. The sudden familiarity upon view of the 4th floor overwhelms me as I take my steps toward my cubicle. Upon settling in, and stashing my purse in a locked drawer, I walk to the break room for some sugar-free hot chocolate. The only familiar sound I heard was the humming of the heater as it tries to steady the temperature in the environment. Walking past my fellow co-workers cubes, I notice something. They are all.... empty! I walk around even further and notice not one person. This shouldn't surprise me considering the lack of cars out front, but I couldn't get over the intense sense of loneliness.

I walk back to my desk satisfactorily after grabbing my hot chocolate. I stir it with my spoon and slowly sip the liquid as it enters into my body. The warmth from the drink slowly starts to thaw out my fingers. The purplish color begins to drain from my fingernails. Sip. Swallow, Sip, Swallow. Steam rises.  The routine becomes evident as I type my story to you. The soft pitter patter sounds begin to fill the air as my finger tips gently tap the plastic keys on the keyboard. A familiar sound once again. Slowly as the minutes pass by, I realize it's only just begun.

What happens next surprises me, a sudden movement from the corner of my eye catches my attention. A wild bear! Just down the hallway! Standing on his hind legs as he begins to roar!

"Roarrr!!! Roarrrrr!!"

The sound of screams fill up my vocal box for cry's for help! But no one is around to help me! The bear darts across the hallway towards me.

"Runnn!!!!!" my mind screams at me. I'm too slow! The bear is catching up! I can't shake him! I frantically run away towards anything that might put distance between me and my enemy. I open the door to the stairs as fear has already enveloped my body. My body is weak, it's not strong enough. I turn around to see the bear is now with in attacking range of me.

"Ahh!" I scream as my left foot catches on the cement stairs and I tumble all the way down. I black out from the intense blow to my head and the fear from the bear as he jumps at me to attack.

Suddenly I wake up. I pear around noticing I am safe in my cubicle. I check my body to see if their were any wounds. Nothing. It was just a dream. I had fallen asleep at work. Hot chocolate spilled everywhere. It's still too quiet. Again, I tell myself upon walking to the break room for napkins, "It's going to be a long day."

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Polar Express


I think that the Polar Express is one of those movies that I just can not watch.  Maybe I am crazy, I probably am, but that movie bugs me to no end.  I'll tell you why. 

I hope that by saying this, I don't sound like a typical "critical christian." If I do, you'll have to forgive me.  :)

The main reason why, to put it bluntly is I don't believe in santa clause and I believe with all my heart in Jesus Christ.  For me, it hurts me to see that kids are believing in something that isn't real, will never be real, will never be a belief that can truly help them, and makes them forget the true meaning of Christmas.  This whole movie is about believing in santa clause, normally I can handle that but with this movie, if you replace the words Santa Clause with Jesus Christ, you have a movie that basically shows the principles of Christianity.  This is soooo hard to explain. 

Take for instance here, this is a quote from the movie, "Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."  That is soooo true if we say it in reference to Jesus, but they are saying it about santa clause.



Here is another quote from the movie.  This is such a powerful statement as well, its a reason why some choose to not believe in Jesus. (again this is in reference to santa clause)

Hobo: What exactly is... is your persuasion on the Big Man, since you brought him up?
The Boy: Well, I... I want to believe... but...
Hobo: But you don't want to be bamboozled. You don't want to be led down the primrose path! You don't want to be conned or duped. Have the wool pulled over your eyes. Hoodwinked! You don't want to be taken for a ride. Railroaded!
[Hobo puts out fire with the joe]
Hobo: Seeing is believing. Am I right?

To me, Jesus is just so important and valuable to our daily existence that to try and persuade someone into believing into something false and take away from God just hurts me. 

Maybe I am just looking at this in the wrong perspective.  Maybe I need to look at it as a movie that has a lot of Christian principles and references.  Who knows? My mind is open to exploration, but its not open to believing in santa clause.  :D

Anybody have any thoughts on this, I would love to see them! Leave a comment. 


Friday, December 18, 2009

A Little Bit Of This, A Little Bit Of That


Well you've got me at 3:06 on a Friday afternoon the week before Christmas.  Yes, you've guessed correctly.  I am bored.  So what do I do to kill time? write in my blog!! You're following along very nicely! good job! :) haha!

Anyways. So I am racking my brain trying to figure out something to write about but sadly nothing is coming to mind.  :( Well something will come eventually.  I might just have to ramble on and on for a few minutes before something comes to me....

Hey! It worked!

Change. I want to talk about change.  I think so often times in life, we get caught up in this pattern.  A pattern where everyday is the same thing, you wake up, get to work or school, eat your 3 meals a day, go home, you start recogonizing the same vehicles on your commute, do some evening activities like church, go to bed and start the day all over again.  I think that sounds very...mechanical. I know there are those that are quite afraid of change, you never know what to expect.  But for me it's a different story.  I yearn for change.  I used to be the type of girl where my body would get so tired sleeping in the same position in my room, that I would actually lay there for hours wide awake until I finally got up and flipped my bed around.  Within minutes, I'd be sleeping soundly.  I haven't seen it so much lately, maybe that's because I change my room around so often as it is and I am just ahead of the game. 

I see change in two ways, the good change, and there is bad change.  Bad change obviously is not good for you, things that are often times out of your control and harmful to you.  But I see a lot of good change in our daily lives.  I think what has been happening to me these past few weeks; I was getting so bored because I was seeing hardly any good change in my life.  It seemed like God was distant, I wasn't learning anything, I got caught up in the same daily routine, I wasn't taking really any steps to want to learn something either.  I wasn't reading my bible, I wasn't praying as much, I was starting face more temptation.  I quickly was noticing my old self starting to pop up in me.  (bad change!!) Well I'm not out of the woods yet, I've read my bible once but that isn't going to cut it.  I have to be continuous. 

I was at PTO (Church Life Group) last night and a few of us girls stayed behind to talk about some girl stuff.  My friend was telling a story of something that recently has been happening in her life.  I was so excited for what God has been doing in her life.  Her story is amazing! I also started to feel a tad bit sad, mainly for me, because I realized how I was yearning for God to be working on my life as well.  You don't realize what your missing till its gone! It's so true! I was also admiring her for being so open to her mentors as well.  She's a very smart gal! She has a few Christian mentors to talk to when she really needs help with something.  I noticed I don't really have that as well.  I have an accountability partner but I haven't been keeping in touch with her recently.  So there I go back to stuffing things inside again.  I have no outlet, just inlets :) That right there is a major part to why my past has been starting to creep up on me. 

Listening to her story also made me realize that I tend to push God away.  I guess I put my trust in the wrong things and don' trust the things I should be trusting.  I get so caught up in God for a while and things are going well, but then I must get scared or something, and I start to retreat.  I fail to remember that God IS perfect! He can't do anything wrong! It's not possible for Him sin.  So why don't I trust him?

So there you have it, I'm just an ordinary girl with ordinary problems.  I'm not perfect, I have faults.  But I must keep trying.  Freedom comes with a cost. Dying to yourself is the only way to gain the ultimate freedom.  Everyday I have to give up what I want, and take what God wants because, He actually knows what I need and wants that for me. 

I think I may have strayed away from the change subject....Sorry about that! ANYway! :)

I think that about wraps it up for me at the moment.  I'm sure I'll get bored again and write more. 

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I DID IT!!

Ladies and Gentleman!! I did it! I read my bible last night! And it was well worth it! Hehe!


I was so tempted to just play games on my iPod last night before going to bed, but then I started thinking about my bible, and how I am putting God second and my iPod first. I started to think about the story in the bible where this man wanted to become Jesus’ disciple but wanted to do a few things at home quick before he followed Him. I started to think about how I am cheating God by not spending time with Him, and most of all how I am hurting Him by wanting to play a silly game verses time with my Savior. So I put the iPod down and I read the bible!!! ... on my iPod :)

I have a concordance application on my iPod, since my book version had a little water accident, I only have a concordance on my iPod now.  Anyways, so I opened it up and was looking at all the words and searched under the almost first word that came up, "Abba". 3 verses came up. (I'm sure there is actually more than that but this is not a full concordance)

I will list them for you...

"And he said, Abba, Father, all things [are] possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt." - Mark 14:36 KJV

"For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father." - Romans 8:15 KJV

"And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father." - Galatians 4:6 KJV

I liked these verses so much that I tapped the next option, "display by chapter" and I read each chapter that these verses came from. I absolutely loved it. Romans 8 happens to be one of my favorite chapters in the whole book of the bible. Galatians 4 spoke volumes to me by showing how much fatherly love my God really does have for me. Finally, Mark 14 was a good refresher about the story of Jesus. Albeit this was KJV so it was a little harder to comprehend but it was still good. :) YAY GOD! :)

I'll try to keep this a continuous pattern again!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Tank is on "E"

Lately, with the whole traffic congestion (previous blog) halting life events, I have to say life has been really tough, more-so boring. It's made me think, I'll give it that! Thoughts of comparison between my life now and the life I had at Mercy Ministries, or thoughts to decide what is holding me back at this moment, thoughts of how to move forward and get past this stage. I've found a few thoughts that I think are worth the effort of trying to see if they'll work. :)

I think now, I've gotten a tad lazy. I can definitely use the excuse that I have been sick this whole past week and a half. That will at least take care of a part of lazy tendencies these past few weeks :) But the other parts are definitely at the 100% fault of me. I haven't worked out in a little while, and I haven't read my bible in a while, I haven't really deeply prayed to God in a while, etc... you get the point. Through out this "leisure" time, I've noticed fighting the spiritual battle against my own flesh is more and more a tiring effort-filled motion. It's getting harder and taking a lot out of me. Again, this is entirely at the fault of me. I think a lot of times I just want to be a Christian and not take on the Christian responsibilities of the day-to-day life. How does that work??? well... In all honesty, it DOESN'T. I need my fill up of God in order to get through the day, in order to learn all that He has to teach me.


I see the analogy of my own personal tank of gas that needs to be kept full at all times. If it doesn't get filled with God, than it will get filled with something else. I.E. Laziness, craving's, past addictions, nervousness, stress, impatience and all that stuff. Well with the less and less of God I receive the more and more ungodly things I fill up on. It's kind of funny because as I am typing this out I am actually sorting out my thoughts! Now hopefully I can muster up the little bit of strength I have left and read my BIBLE! Augh... wow that seems like so much effort it's not even funny. But I know I have to do it. With out the life of God's words flowing through me, I will quickly see myself fall more and more into my past that I have been trying to get away from.

"Lord God, Please give me the strength I need!"

Well, I'm going to try this out! I'll write back to determine my progress! I'm so ready to get out of this plateau stage!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Push The Play Button, Please!!


Life, as fun as it may be, is so confusing! I feel like I am at the point where life has come to a roaring halt and I'm just standing there looking at the exact same surroundings day after day.  This moment is bound to happen and, I'm 100% sure it's going to happen again.  I feel like I am in a traffic jam on a major interstate.  You are crawling a long around 10-15 miles per hour, get a few moments to get to 30, and Bam! you've come to a complete stop.  Eventually you start crawling again, crawling and more crawling to the point where traffic loosens up more and more and eventually you are back doing the speed limit at 65 mph.  Patience is a necessary thing! I'm afraid I have only a little. 


It's hard when you've got a glimpse of life at the speed limit and then have to come to a complete stop and sit there for a while.  You see how fast you are moving, and your anticipation roars wildly as you realize that your destination is getting closer and closer! To come to a complete stop, means your goal/destinations is delayed. Then if your me, you pout. I'm talking sticking out my bottom lip with those sad puppy eye's and everything!  :) Haha!


So for now, I guess I'll just have to be satisfied and learn more patience.  I'm not seeing traffic let up any time soon.  I suppose I better look into what God has me stopped for, there must be something I'm missing.

Monday, December 7, 2009

I Believe!


Last night was not a good one to say the least.  I woke up with that feeling you get when a cold is coming on.  There are those few little symptoms that give you a warning signal before the cold becomes full-blown.  I prayed it off immediately, because this is not a good time to be sick!! My church's big Christmas Production is starting this week! Both Friday and Sunday for the next two weeks! Not to mention we have dress rehearsals Wednesday and Thursday to go through final run-throughs. 

I didn't really feel anything the rest of the day but around 4:00 PM after arriving home from my sister's house, things just got progressively worse.  My whole body just felt like I was recovering from being hit by a bus! Every muscle ached severely with any movement I seemed to have made.  I thought at first it was because I did a thorough work out the day before. It wasn't.  That may have helped aid the pain but it wasn't the cause. 

With in a couple hours more symptoms were popping up.  Next the a sharp headache, body chills/twitches, fever with constant heat radiating from my head and neck, frozen hands and feet, swollen tonsils, tender eyes, and all that good stuff.  I was praying hard again and just a little nervous thinking about the concert coming up and being so sick.  I thought of Mama Gina's words of wisdom back in Mercy Ministries, "Take your Vitamin C!" So I started fumbling around my room trying to find the bottle I knew I had somewhere.  Found them! But they were expired back in 2008! ... Well, I get nervous around expired things so I called my mother to ask if it was still okay to take them.  She was busy so I didn't get my answer. 

Around 7:30 PM I was just ready to call it a night and tried my hardest to see if I could go to bed.  I laid there for a couple hours and tried using some of my tactics to fall asleep. Still wide awake, around 9:20 my mother called me back.  I told her what was going on and she felt lead to pray with me, and she also assured me it was still okay to take the Vitamin C :) It was just the weirdest thing though after that prayer.  I really felt like it hit home and my body was receiving it! I just really felt something! It was short lived and after hanging up the phone I finally fell asleep about an hour later. 

The next morning I felt waaaaay better! I'm still a little tender in the neck area and have a few coughs here and there, but man is there a difference! I'm still not 100% but I bet I'll be pretty close as Wednesday's rehearsal come to start! YAY GOD!! :)

Man is God is good! I know I can't thank Him enough for what He has done for me, and especially the miracle He performed overnight, but I want to give Him as much praise as I can.  He deserves it! I'm just amazed by Him right now!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Brrrrrrrrrr!!


It's at almost freezer temperature here in Minnesota, a cool, crisp 18 degree's with snow flurries.  And It's taken a lot for me to warm up! Especially now that I have no winter coat this year.  I stuck my hands under the faucet and turned the nozzle all the way to the left for ultimate heat! Nice temperature shock! Right now I am sipping 2 cups of hot sugar free cocoa while I write to you at work.  It's starting to thaw me out!

This winter will be an unpredictable one I believe.  And not having a winter coat will make it all the better! I have to say, even though keeping warm will be a problem, I think the snow is beautiful! But all the while, I hope I get close parking spots at work so my time outside will be limited!! :) Haha!

Keep warm all you northern states!!! :) And make sure you thank God for heat!! I know I am!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Relieved Beyond Measure!



Well ever since God has been dealing with me on my pride issue, I've been noticing more and more examples of pride in my life.  I'd say one area where I can be extremely prideful is with my voice.  You get to become someone else for those few moments in time and get applauded graciously at the end. You get lots of people who come up to you and say what a beautiful job I did and how lovely my voice is.  Very very flattering, I admit! But it's not me who deserves the credit! It entirely goes to God! He's the one who gave me the privilege of having a voice.  And for me to take that glory from Him? That wouldn't be good.

I'm so relieved as God gave me a break through this past week dealing with pride! As you probably have heard I have this Christmas Production at my church that I am involved with.  Needless to say there were a lot of solo's to audition for.  God chose this specific time as a perfect time to work on pride! (good timing, eh?)   There was one solo I had my eye on.  I wanted it.  I started getting prideful and it took all that was within me to curve those thoughts away and replace them with humbling thoughts.  God helped me through it though! I give him the glory for that! It was working though.  I started thinking about all the other people who have amazing voice around me and want that solo as well.  I started to imagine their voices in that song.  There was one girl I knew would be a perfect fit.  Anyways the names were called out for the solo opportunities, when it got to the solo I tried out for... Another girls name was said.  You would have thought I would have been bummed or something.  But as sure as I stand here today, I was RELIEVED! I felt so relieved! I was so happy for the other girl who got the solo.  (And it happened to be the girl in whom I thought her voice would fit perfectly for the solo!)  HAHA! I love it.  Growing is so fun once you actually see your growth!

Well it did dawn on me that I wouldn't get a solo this year and needless to say this did kind of bum me a little bit.  But God decided to bless me a little bit...  In which you'll have to attend the concert to find out what it is!! Mwahahaha! :) Okay just kidding God did give me a perfect little "add in" for a song.  Not quite a solo but it's something! And I could never be happier.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Looking for Roommate/Apartment

Hey Everyone!

I am looking to move, I need somewhere to stay that is cheap as I can't afford much.  So if you know of anyone who is looking for a roommate and the rent is cheap! Give me a holler!

Thank you so much!

P.S Preferrably in the Minneapolis/St.Paul Area :)