Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Temptation

Do you ever say yes to something that from the outside doesn't look that bad? But once you get started it slowly starts its perilous descent? Pretty soon you can be wrapped around its prickly evil little finger and you've become so engulfed in it that when you finally blink back to reality, you don't even know how you got that far?

This past weekend I happened to have nothing really planned. I had originally intended it to be a laid back relaxing weekend and to maybe get some house cleaning done, which, is desperately needed I might add! I decided instead, to go on the computer and play some games. Unfortunately I made the wrong choice and the game I played had some personal issue related content that I thought I could steer away from. It started out well I was just playing my game and everything was fine. Little did I know that the devil was going to slowly creep in the issue related stuff. Pretty soon hours were passing buy and I found myself sometimes not even blinking! My eyes stung so badly that night once I finally got off. I know one thing, the devil got pretty close to my breaking point using that outlet. He got me at a time I was vulnerable. Once I finally got out of my game-trance. I realized my error. I felt so bad, ashamed, and guilty. Thankfully I stopped myself before anything really bad happened. The good news to this story is that my Lord filled me up with determination and strength once I asked for forgiveness. I was overflowing! It was amazing. It was the kind of thing that I took the CD for the game, took a candle lighter and BURNED it! I literally burned it! Then! Once it had melted a little bit, I snapped it in half and through the whole thing in the garbage! HA! Geez! If you need proof that God forgives you when you humbly ask, there it is right there. I find it so comforting that no sin is too great for my God to forgive. When we are truly repentant, the Lord loves us so much that He not only forgives us but gives us strength to stand up to that temptation the next time it hits! I love knowing that I am not alone in this world. I love knowing that my human sinful nature can not keep me away from finding a love so grand. Genuine repentance is such a humbling thing and God LOVES a humble servant!

I can tell you one thing... the devil may have been laughing and bouncing with anticipation as his plan was starting to work... but guess what.... now he's crying in a corner and screaming , "WHY!!"

I encourage you all, if you know that a decision you are thinking of making has things that you have previously struggled with. DO NOT DO IT! We may think, "Oh I can handle this! It's not that big of a deal, I'm not going to do anything stupid!" It's a lot harder than it looks. When we place ourselves in situations that are boiling with temptation, just avoid it. Avoid it at all costs. One thing you will never find is a recovering alcoholic in a liquor store! If you do, more than likely they are not "recovering" anymore. Temptation is very tempting! :)

Friday, September 25, 2009

Talk about accountability!

If you've read the previous posts or know me, you know that food has been my life long addiction.   I struggle with it everyday.  Since being at Mercy Ministries I have learned so much, They helped me get on my two feet again.  Things have been so much better! I ended up loosing close to 50 pounds in my 6 months stay there.  Since being back I proudly can say I have kept it off.  I gained some and lost some so I am fair to say I stayed the same! :) Anyways... I have 2 accountability partners, 1 good friend of mine whom never hesitates to speak the truth to me even when I don't want to hear it.  I love that about her! 2 would be God.  And man alive! He doesn't leave ANYTHING out! He see's everything and knows everything.  So this is a little funny story and an example of how God is my accountability partner.

A couple days ago my work had a campaign kick off event and needless to say... there were cookies. (pastries are my weakness) I was helping out with the event so I was around them a lot.  I tried so hard to not take one.  Unfortunately I gave in and had one cookie.  then 2,3, 4 altogether.  That was a big no-no and I felt so ashamed, guilty and just horrible afterwords.  I was so upset with myself for not having the control to say no and even just have one not four! I was praying the whole way home from work for God to forgive me.  Thankfully He is a forgiving God! Later that night I decided I better read the bible because I hadn't done that in a couple days.  I opened my book up randomly and there was Proverbs.  You know the saying, A Proverbs a day keeps the devil away? or Read the Proverbs of the day! I thought as I saw the book in front of me that I should read the Proverbs of the day.  I flipped it to Proverbs 23 (since it was the 23rd of the month) And low and behold the first verse blew me away!

Proverbs 23:1-3
1 When you sit to dine with a ruler
Note well what is before you,
2 And put a knife to your throat
If you are given to gluttony.
3 Do not crave his delicacies,
For that food is deceptive.

Now some of you are probably wondering, "What! Put a knife to your throat? What!" We obviously can not take this passage literaly because there would be a lot more sucides in this country! What I take it to mean is that well it's really hard to explain... It's better to put a knife to your throat then to lose your soul over gluttony (or sin) I kept thinking... "How do I do that instead of literaly putting a knife to my throat, God?"  Well it came to me the next day.  What better to use the sword of the spirit to cut through sin!?! This verse had just spoke to me in volumes that I don't even know the different volumes it spoke to me.  I just know that it was what I needed.  So the next day we had left over cookies (like 350 cookies) And we had to serve the cookies right.... by....my desk.  I was nervous and scared and then I was reminded of that verse I read. 

I looked it up quick online and printed it out nice and big and taped it below my monitor at work.  Everytime I was tempted I looked and read that verse staring at me.  It worked so well I didn't have any cookies that day and I had a salad for lunch! It's amazing! I have that verse everywhere now.. Even on my phone so I can look it up on the go and be reminded that food can be deceptive and I should not crave it's delicacies!

God is so amazing! He just gave me what I needed at the time I most needed it! He is a great accountability partner! I have felt so much of Him this week that it's just unfathomable.  I love having a Daddy that knows everything and loves me so much to put me back on my two feet again in my weakest of times. 

"Thank you Lord, for everything.  May You be glorified in everything I do because You alone are worthy of all my praise.  I love you so much, Father."

My Hope is in You, Lord

Again trying to catch up... this was posted on April 27th, 2009

So! Hello Everyone!!
Long time no see!...no really. I haven’t talked to you or seen you all in a long time! Where you all been? okay so it was me that was gone but hey! for a good reason! :) Anyways I just wanted to say Hi to everyone. That I’ve missed you all bunches and bunches of times! Today ladies and gentleman I have the incling to talk about life. Life in general.

I’m going to say the obvious… Life is NOT fair. Has it ever been? nope, not in my life time. I’ve come to the realization that life is just hard. Today we are being faced with hundreds of choices each day, the good, the not so good, the bad and the really really bad. Things are constantly just in your face trying to weigh you down, trying to get you so low that you know you’re not in the tunnel anymore looking for the other side, you are in hell with no way of escaping. We woman especially have all these constant pressures, the pressure of being thin, the pressure of being beautiful, the pressure of not being a social outcast and have a boyfriend by your side at all times. I’m sorry to all you men out there but you guys make things really really difficult! What is it in us that we believe we need that boy by our side to make us feel like someone, to make us feel beautiful even though we have proof we already are. What is it in us that if we don’t have a boyfriend, you constantly over-analyze yourself and say, “what’s wrong with me?” You spend time in the mirror just looking at all the flaws (or so you think) and picking them out one by one. We lead ourselves into our own depression. I hate to break it to you...(and this I am talking to myself also) Men are NOT what we need. they are more like a special little something on the side, especially when we’ve chosen the right one, one who will treat you with respect and love you forever. Once we have realized this, realized that our lives don’t depend on our boyfriends. The good boys are going to stand out to you. I’ve come to the realization that God is all we need. Yes, you’ve probably heard the story before, over and over again, God this, and God that. Well why haven’t we believed it and acted upon it then? I’m definitely guilty, I am not perfect. But I’ve learned you can only take it one step at a time. God shows me little things here and there that are His ways of complimenting me and saying I am beautiful and loved more than anyone in the world could ever love me. I have to admit it is a long process to believing this, I am not fully there yet myself. My personal compliments fill me up with Joy, knowing the God of ALL creation, my Father, my Saviour has approved of me and will never let me down and never let me go. To me that is the most important opinion and the only opinion I should base my life upon. Have you ever heard the song “By Your Side” by Tenth Avenue North? I urge you with the most important urgency to listen to it and realize this is what God is saying to you. I’ve heard it now plenty of times and it never fails to warm my heart to the point of almost tears. God wants us to stop, take a deep breath and turn our eyes upon Him. When you do that all the bad, the evil, will not seem so important anymore. God’s glory is so amazing. When put it next to something impure it knocks it out of the way. He is so Holy that when we focus on him we become holy. We won’t ever be as holy as Him, but we can sure become closer than what we once were. Life has meaning once agiain when God is our #1 focus. I don’t know about you but I am sick of listening to the stinkin lies of the devil, saying I’m not beautiful, Who does he think he is? A nobody! I’d rather listen to my Lord who’s opinion is the only opinon that really matters. God won’t give up on me, he’ll never leave me for another woman! (amen to that) God will be there with open arms extending far and wide to give you the biggest most loving hug that no one else in the world can give you. Embrace Him, its what He wants most.

Okay didn’t think I was going to go off on a preaching rampage but hey! its all good!
I’ve vented now. :) Oh by the way… God loves it when you vent to Him also! He wants to be your BFFE… Best Friend For Eternity! Haha!
Ok bye!


Moving to Monroe

This was actually posted on August 12th, 2008... I'm trying to catch up since I am new to this site :)

As some of you may or may not know, I am planning on moving to Monroe, LA on the 26th of August. It’s very sudden I know. But anyways. I’ve decided to tell you all about it through this blog. :)

There is this place called Mercy Ministries where girls from ages to 13-28 can go where they can be healed or freed from their addictions or emotional issues. There are quite a variety of problems that these girls go there for. Here are some that I can think of: Eating disorders, Physical/Emotional Abuse, Prostitution, Boyfriend/Girlfriend problems, Depression, Self Harm, Drugs, and much more. This place is a Christian place where they find your inward problems instead of fixing you on the outside. They have a 85% turn around compared to secular place where it’s only 5%. This place has been in business for 26 years where everything is financially given. No girls going there are required to pay anything. They take donations only. Mercy Ministries has grown so fast becuase of all the issues girls today face and freedom they have once they’ve graduated. My mother told me about this place and I decided to apply because of my obesity. I’ve signed a 6 month long commitment and plan on coming back to Minnesota after I have graduated from the program.

I know this program can help me, I know I will walk out of this place a free woman and be able to live my life for God and not food. I am extremely excited and feel blessed to be able to go. I believe 100% the God wants me to go there.
Needless to say this is not going to be an easy task. I’ve been battling obesity since I can remember. I could use as much prayer as I can get. Please pray for me while I go through this adventure. Thank you so much for everything and being so great to me! I really appreciate your friendship!
God Bless you all!
~Kelley Welu


The Game of Chess

I want to introduce to you today, a little Chess piece called the Pawn. To me there is a lot of inspiration you can get from this bold little game piece. For those of you who may not know what the Pawn is, I’ll summarize it up for you. The Pawn resembles the front line in a war. There are 8 Pawns in a horizontal line across the board. Behind them, the special units are on both sides of the prized possession, The King. Next to the King is his lovely bride, the Queen. The Pawn’s role in the game is to be the first move. They have what seems like an eternity of squares and obstacles to get through. I may not be the greatest Chess player but every time I play the game, I try to make sure the Pawn goes into the enemy’s territory so he can get to the other side of the board, to the end. The Pawns greatest feature is that once on the other side of the board, it can become the Queen, what I consider to be, the second most valuable player of the whole game.

I think that in life, we are the Pawns. Day by day we have to hurdle through enemy territory to try and get to the other side. If you look at the board from the top view, let’s say we as children of God are the white pieces. The black pieces are Satan and his “little” army of demons out to take as many down as he can. But God is playing on the white side, our side. He can moves us forward and move us diagonally to knock out a black piece. God can orchestrate we little pawns to make the best move possible for us, and the King’s whole kingdom. When we have completed our route and hit the other side, we can fly up to Jesus and become royalty for eternity. We’ll never go back to being the Pawn. These black pieces we are facing are just minimal because God knows what He is doing! He’s got it all planned out! Every move we make, he’s got a way to make it work. When people have let you down in your life, when you’ve been let go from your job, when your mother has been diagnosed with cancer, when you’ve had a miscarriage, when everything seems inescapable, just remember, God is organizing your steps and leading you to His safe place. He’s going to make sure we make it, and not just make it, he’s going to make sure we are going to do the BEST we can do. We need not worry about the circumstances around us. We must work through the pain and keep pressing on and moving forward to our goal, an eternity with our Heavenly Father who loves us so much. He loves us more than any person could even fathom. We may be what seems like the smallest piece on the board, the other pieces seem to have better talents and can do more things than you, we all play the same part, we all have a goal to be with our King and win the war!

About Me

Many things have happened in my life, things that are unexplainable, unpredictable, unreliable, unfathomable, inconcievable, yet oddly I couldn't be any more content with my life. Sure there are times when you just want to scream, and I've done that. Never helped much for me. What's amazing to me is that I am not alone in this world. My heart just is bursting with something...something unexplainable. I can't believe how far I have come from pithole I've dug my self. There is only one word that I can say that will cure anything that life has sprung me, Adonai. I've read plenty of books that all have their own personable way of getting out of things. I've found that that's just what it is, their own personal way of getting out of their issues, which happen to be the same issue we may be trying to get out of. I'm so happy that it's worked for them but for me, it's a different story. I think we all have different ways of getting out the rut we've have gotten ourselves into. God is so amazing that way because He is going to help us and whats even better, He knows our own personal way of getting out of our pit! Ha! Isn't that AWESOME! To me that just makes all the difference. To me it's like I have finally found the person with the key to my life, the person who can help me, save me, be everything I need and much much more. Knowing God is not just some past-time on the side. Knowing God is our pride and joy, our life, our KEY to being the best we can be! About me, I don't even know all about me! but what's so precious is... He does! Ladies and Gentleman, I'm proud to say I have found TRUE LOVE! or should I say... True Love found me! :)